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02/18/04

 

So, I read an article this morning in The Edmonton Journal about a scientific study that has linked yawning with SEX. Yes, that’s right. Apparently yawning has a strong correlation to sex. The guy who researched this, Wolter Seuntjens, spent 18 YEARS on this study. 18 YEARS. For as long as I’ve been alive, this guy has been working on a 464-page book that attempts to link yawning to sexual activity. Now, you really have to wonder, what on earth would make someone put THAT much time and devotion into something so trivial… All I can think of is maybe one day, 18 years ago, some hot girl gave him a glance at a party and yawned and he quipped something along the lines of “She wants me,” only to be laughed at by a friend. “Dude,” he would have replied. “She yawned at me. That CLEARLY means she wants me.” Only for his friend to say “HA. Prove it!”

 

So, 18 years later….

 

Or maybe I just don’t understand. Maybe he’s really passionate about… yawning? Okay, the theory is that a yawn can be interpreted as an invitation to have sex. He traced this all the way back to ancient India, where the yawn apparently played a large role in the courtship process. He also points out that high-ranking primates yawn more often than lower-ranking primates. But wait a second – how the hell does an ancient Indian activity prove anything about humans today? And what the hell does the “ranking” of a primate have to do with the amount of sex they have?

 

Oh but careful, don’t take my word on this one, I have a quote here from Robert Provine, who the paper referred to as “one of the world’s foremost yawning researchers.” Yes, that’s right, YAWNING RESEARCHERS. I guess there is a whole bunch of these guys. So anyway, he says Seuntjens’ report is “solid work that needs to be taken seriously.”

 

Seriously? I’m sorry, even if I read this book and it had me totally convinced, I don’t think I could take the subject of yawning all that seriously.

 

I mean sure, when a girl yawns and stretches and thrusts her chest out she is obviously trying to draw attention to herself and is MAYBE hoping for sex. But the yawn itself? Behaviour and communications expert Maxine Lucille Fiel seemed to pitch the only logical quote in the article: “People are going so nuts. They see sex in everything. When people in a stuffy room yawn, it’s not because they’re thinking about (intimacy), it’s because they want to lie down.” No kidding!

 

But I guess this is what passes for front-page news these days. Yes, it was on the front page. Maybe it was just a slow day? I mean, a REALLY slow day? Come to think of it, the rest of the front section IS pretty fucking boring.

 

*yawn*

 

I'm outta here. Peace, love, etc etc, you know the drill.